Advancing Women in University Advancement: The Leadership Role Men Can Play

Women in advancement are often asked to be both powerful and invisible at the same time.

I was reminded of this paradox in a conversation with a man senior academic leader that has stayed with me for years. He was the dean responsible for a school with the scale, complexity, and fundraising expectations of a standalone college.

He was also one of the first leaders I worked with who genuinely valued my perspective—even when it challenged his. One day he said to me:

“People who don’t know me well tell me what they think I want to hear.”

He trusted I wasn’t one of those people.

After one cultivation dinner with a donor couple who had transformational capacity, we rode back to the hotel debriefing the conversation and next steps. I had spent months building the relationship, so we could bring the dean into a conversation about a new eight-figure gift that would advance his vision and meaningfully expand the institution’s efforts to support students, faculty, and research.

The couple connected immediately with him. He had that kind of presence. The trust in the relationship strengthened in real time.

And I barely spoke at dinner.

I wasn’t being measured by word count, of course—but I noticed it. I could tell he noticed it too.

On paper everything went perfectly. We accomplished what we set out to do.

As many advancement leaders know, the story of a successful donor dinner isn’t only what happens at the table. It’s what’s happening underneath it: the gender dynamics, the power dynamics, and the invisible choreography of dancing backward in heels required to keep everything moving forward.

In the back of a taxi, rain tapping the windows, he broke the moment of silence:

“It must be so hard for you. I’m the center of attention. That’s not the way I want it to be—even though I understand it has to happen sometimes. The majority of the relationship will be with you.”

For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. I frantically searched for the right words—how to stay present without writing a story, how to hold the power dynamics without making them bigger than they were, and how to be candid without overstepping.

In a calm voice, I asked for clarification: Was he suggesting he wanted me to participate more at future donor dinners?

He shook his head.

“I don’t want you to be a wallflower—and you’re not.”

I could see him wrestling with the experience and what to say. He was trying to acknowledge the grace with which I led and deferred to him to lead, while also acknowledging the gender and power dynamics at play in a philanthropic process that still, in many ways, is instinctively connected to hierarchy.

What men leaders can do differently (and why it matters)

There is a persistent gap between how men think they are showing up to support women colleagues and how women experience their leadership partnership.

Research by David G. Smith and W. Brad Johnson highlights that men are often less likely than women to notice patterns like women being interrupted, having their expertise questioned, being overlooked for promotion, or being assigned “office housework.” At the same time, men are more likely than women to believe they are observing men advocating for women and giving appropriate credit.

There’s a disconnect, but there’s hope, too.

When men become more intentional about how they use their influence in everyday leadership moments, these dynamics begin to shift.

Here are four ways men in advancement and academic leadership can put this awareness into practice:

1. Notice the dynamics out loud—without centering yourself

Pay attention to the dynamics in everyday workplace conversations. When you notice a woman’s voice becoming less visible in a conversation, don’t wait until after to address it. You can intervene respectfully in real time:

“Let’s come back to what she just said. I want to hear more.”

It’s simple, but the benefits are significant. Research studies show that feedback from people in positions of influence is considered more seriously when confronting non-inclusive behavior.

2. Sponsor women into roles, not just conversations

Mentorship is when someone talks to you. Sponsorship is when someone talks about you—in the rooms where it matters most.

I still remember a moment when a man advancement leader who I looked up to as a mentor encouraged me to apply for an AVP role—well before I thought I was ready for this role myself. And another time when a man advancement leader coached me to ask for more in my salary negotiations for a new role.

This kind of sponsorship changes careers and lives. It often starts with a leader being willing to say, “You’re ready. Apply.”

3. Treat onboarding support as part of sponsorship

According to Hocking Leadership’s BOLD Blueprint, 70% of women chief advancement executives didn’t receive any formal onboarding support.

Leaders play an important role in changing this. It’s not enough to appoint a woman to the chief advancement role and expect she will navigate the transition alone. Ensure she has the support systems, context, and advocates she needs from the start.

The biggest barrier to women’s success in these roles is that structures, policies, and leadership cultures weren’t built with women in mind.

4. Give clear, actionable feedback

Research shows women are 20% less likely to receive actionable feedback that can contribute to their performance and growth at work. Without clear guidance from their managers, women often have to work harder to understand how to meet and exceed the expectations of their roles. Giving clear, actionable feedback is a sign you care.

Shared leadership partnership

The lesson from that donor dinner was not that I should have spoken more.

I did my job. I led the relationship, read the room, and gracefully made space for the institutional leader to do what only he could do in that moment.

The deeper issue is this: Women are asked to be both powerful and invisible at the same time.

We are asked to be in service of someone else’s legacy, while building our own credibility behind the scenes. This is not a personal problem to solve with confidence tips or training. This is a leadership dynamic that requires accountability from the people who historically hold the most power.

That night in the taxi, my dean didn’t fix the system. But he did something rare that has always stayed with me: He observed the dynamic while it was happening, he led the important conversation, and he gave me visibility and recognition for what I uniquely brought to the table.

This is what leadership partnership can look like.

Not performative or perfect.

Genuine, real, and vulnerable.

Alongside each other for the journey.

If we want more women leaders to thrive in our advancement leadership roles, it will require more men advancement and academic leaders willing to participate alongside us.

We may not be looking at each other eye to eye in the car.

But we can see eye to eye on what’s required to move leadership forward in our profession—and how it can be done differently, and better.

Shanna A. Hocking is the CEO of Hocking Leadership and a strategic advisor to university advancement executives. A former university and academic medicine fundraising executive, she advises presidents, chief advancement officers, and advancement teams on strengthening leadership, alignment, and ownership. Shanna is the author of One Bold Move a Day and writes and speaks frequently on university fundraising leadership, advancement team culture, and women in higher education advancement.